{"id":51544,"date":"2020-12-02T04:17:57","date_gmt":"2020-12-02T04:17:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wagingnonviolence.org\/metta\/?p=51544"},"modified":"2020-12-07T15:28:53","modified_gmt":"2020-12-07T15:28:53","slug":"non-embarassment-helps-opponents-gain-perspective-effective","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wagingnonviolence.org\/metta\/2020\/12\/non-embarassment-helps-opponents-gain-perspective-effective\/","title":{"rendered":"Amazing things happen when you refuse to embarrass your opponent"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Winning feels good \u2014 so good in fact that it can be easy in the moment to forget how bad losing feels. Losing is especially painful after a conflict in which one is fully committed, when one\u2019s skin is definitively \u201cin the game.\u201d Stretching the metaphor, to lose is, in a sense, to lose one\u2019s skin, one\u2019s most immediate and intimate protection against the world. Losing reveals our vulnerability and can leave us feeling humiliated and embarrassed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The principle of <a href=\"https:\/\/mettacenter.org\/definitions\/gloss-concepts\/non-embarrassment\/\">non-embarrassment<\/a> \u2014 never invoke any mechanism that would compromise the dignity of the other, and never put up with a compromise to your own \u2014 is a core value in principled nonviolence and relates directly to the fragile state of the loser just described. Principled nonviolence calls on us to respect the dignity of all human beings, even those with whom we most profoundly disagree. It is this respect for the dignity of all and the steadfast commitment never to compromise that dignity that requires a reorientation of the traditional notion of struggle\/fight\/conflict.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed-youtube wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Dignity and Non-embarrassment\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/b_isG8ohfhw?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Principled nonviolence rejects the idea of the zero-sum game. Practitioners of principled nonviolence do not aim to \u201cwin\u201d per se, rather they endeavor to find truth, which is not the property of only one party in a dispute. This is because conflict, as <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=b_isG8ohfhw&amp;feature=youtu.be\">Professor Michael Nagler explains<\/a>, need not be construed as a power struggle. It can instead become a conversation, a joint attempt, however fraught, to come closer to truth. And truth, like love and peace, is essentially abundant; everyone can, should, and in fact, does already share in it.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Adhering to the principle of non-embarrassment is not only good insofar as it allows ostensible opponents to gain a broader perspective (hopefully allowing them to understand better and move closer together), but it is also effective. An opponent who is made to feel embarrassed is often confused and distracted, certainly not in a position to listen, nor even to articulate his\/her own position clearly. Alternatively, a conversation partner might help us to find increased clarity and greater understanding \u2014 and more, can free us from destructive power struggles intent on establishing winners and losers. When we can disagree and argue with respect, we are recognizing each other\u2019s dignity and in this, we are in a position to create new spaces for compromise and growth.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The principle of non-embarrassment not only helps opponents gain a broader perspective \u2014 it&#8217;s effective.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":481,"featured_media":51545,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[22],"tags":[64],"region":[],"series":[],"article_type":[],"class_list":["post-51544","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-culture","tag-nonviolent-communication"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v28.2 (Yoast SEO v28.2) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Amazing things happen when you refuse to 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