On Tuesday, March 27, 2023, my beloved bubbe (grandmother), Elizabeth Rappaport, known as Lib, died at home surrounded by family. She was 102.
Born in Plattsburgh, New York to Harry and Eva Gold, Lib was one of eight siblings. Harry emigrated to America from Russia at the turn of the century and was followed shortly after by Eva and their first two children, Rachael and Abraham. They settled in Plattsburgh where Harry, a deeply religious man, worked as a tailor at the Army base.
Among the stories Lib would tell was that of her oldest sister Rachael’s marriage. Rachael chose a wonderful and kind man to be her husband, but he wasn’t Jewish — and so her father, in the Jewish tradition of the time, sat shiva as though she had died. Eva, pained at the cruelty of that tradition and believing in unconditional love, kept sneaking Rachael in through the back door of the house until eventually Harry relented.
Lib attended NYU, earning her bachelor’s degree in Elementary Education. While in college, her sister Esther suggested that Elizabeth try out a date with her boyfriend’s brother, Joe. The date was set up, but when the day arrived, being shy and having only dated non-Jewish girls so far in his life, Joe got cold feet. He called Lib to cancel, but Lib told him “no way!” He followed through and they soon found themselves in love.
Despite Joe being Jewish, Elizabeth knew that her family wouldn’t approve of their marriage, as Joe hadn’t gone to college. But, just as Lib’s mother hadn’t accepted her daughter being kicked out of the family, and just as Lib hadn’t accepted Joe’s attempt to cancel their first date, she followed her heart and married her beloved Joseph in secret. The knot was tied on Sept. 17, 1942, in Goldsboro, North Carolina, at the army base where Joe was stationed. The rabbi who married them, Rabbi Alexander Goode, became famous posthumously for being one of four Army chaplains to give up their life jackets when their liner, the Dorchester, was sunk by a German submarine in the North Atlantic.
Known for her chutzpah (audacity), Lib once locked Joe out of the house when he failed to bring her flowers as she had asked. Joe attempted to go sleep at his mother’s house, but she chased him away with a broom, insisting that he go buy his wife the flowers. Having learned his lesson, Joe returned home with both flowers and three pounds of See’s candies, Lib’s favorites! Joe died in 2011 after 69 wonderful, loving years of marriage. From his death to hers, Lib frequently talked to him at night, telling him how much she missed him, how lucky she was to have him, and that she looked forward to being united with him again after her death.
Until a week before her passing, my 102-year-old bubbe was still walking up and down the stairs of her house and helping her daughter, my mother, steam vegetables for their dinner.
She also helped me. She saw that raising two children as a single mother could be exhausting, and so for years, my bubbe would take my children, her first two great-grandchildren, for an overnight, the weekend, or even a week. Despite being in her 90s at the time, she would take them to the park and put them in her kitchen sink to bathe them.
I find myself astonished that it all seemed to come so easily to my bubbe — the ability to find goodness and humanity in everyone; to recognize and nurture the light that is G-d, that we all carry inside of ourselves. Even as she was dying, my bubbe was still teaching me to love unconditionally, forgive easily, and set a place at the table for everyone.
My bubbe’s death is an elemental loss for me, and I am now particularly grateful for my Jewish faith, which offers a vessel and a tradition with which to carry and address deep loss. I am thankful that, despite the differences between us, I have a family with whom to share my grief. And while I miss her dearly, I am soothed by the knowledge that she is back with her beloved Joseph.
Lib was cradled in my arms as G-d carried her out of the physical world. Elizabeth Rappaport is survived by her two children, Glenna and Harry, her five grandchildren, Ariel, Judah, Nicole, Danielle, and Margot, and six great-grandchildren. May her memory be for a blessing.